“I can’t wait for you and your mom to leave.” I know Dad, I know.
“I’m gonna beat your face in.” Go ahead, you’ve been telling me this since I was little. What are you waiting for.
“You’re never getting into college, you’ll never be a psychologist.” You’re right, my grades are shitty and I’ve lost most of my ambition.
“That’s why you can’t get a boyfriend, guys don’t like your attitude. And you need to lose weight, guys like smaller girls.” I know, I am fat and disgusting and ugly and annoying and stupid and everything a guy doesn’t want.
I’m not your little girl anymore. I wish I was more than anything. Playing “monster.” I’d hide in the closet and you’d yell and pretend to growl and you’d steal my barbies and pretend you ate them. I would try to find them and sometimes I would cry because I thought you actually ate them, and you’d laugh and hug me. It’s ironic, really. Now I hide away in my room from you while you yell and scream and rage about small things, but instead of giggling I get scared. I want to runaway from it. Now when I come out of the closet and into the kitchen you aren’t standing there smiling. Your standing there with a look of disgust and I’m afraid of what your gonna say next. When you hurt me and I cry, you don’t laugh and hug me. You walk away leaving me broken. How can you look me in the face and say you love me when you treat me like dogshit on the bottom of your shoe. I love you so much, daddy…. Why can’t you just fucking be who you used to… Just because I grew up doesn’t mean I’m not your little girl. It doesn’t mean we can’t play around and giggle. I need you more now than ever. Now you and mom might be getting a divorce. I don’t want you guys to split up. I need you both. You’re all I’ve ever had. I never had siblings to run to, just you guys. Your my everything. You guys together are my everything. I just want things to be … Better.